For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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