My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
