It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she told me i tasted like america
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Green mimosas i think yes
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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