After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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