he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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