i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize