I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
