words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
These tits shall not be calmed
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
