Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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