where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
