yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize