im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
