Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
