He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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