A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
