3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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