i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
