i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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