I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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