I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
