I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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