i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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