DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
