Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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