How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
