dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
