i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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