margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
