I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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