Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
