I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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