My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
