i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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