The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
