is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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