I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
