And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We left an ass print on the piano.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
