and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize