she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
