im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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