Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
