I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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