I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
