No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize