i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
