I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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