There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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