i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
