Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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