my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
