Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
where are my eyebrows?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
