i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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