Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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