the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can I color on your dick again?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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