I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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