Your dad touched me again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
