Even the bartender felt bad for me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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