why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
