she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
