How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
