Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
