Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
