Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize