we're blogging at a bar
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
