Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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