I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize