Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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