You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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