am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
