How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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