I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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