This girl is more easily done than said...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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