And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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