you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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