My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
