im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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