your parents love me but you hate me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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