she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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