then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
