so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize