My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
