The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize