I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
