what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
