the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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