he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is her dick bigger than yours?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
