Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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