So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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