I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize