cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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