I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think my moral compass just broke
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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