and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
