Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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