I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
