was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
